RIP: LESLIE NEILSEN

Well, I know you know him. The famous actor best known for his role in "Forbidden Planet".

What do you mean you never heard of it? Who do you think this guy was, some kind of comic genius who could make you laugh with his facial expressions?

Oh...yeah...

RIP: INGRID PITT

What do you mean, never heard of her? Are you some kind of Philistine? She was the well-known Hammer Horror actress who played Countess Dracula, among others. Only in her early 70s, she passed away last week...or did she...?

Coign Of Vantage

by John McAleer:

"As fast as I can I'm gonna hie me over to McDonald's and have the biggest cheesburger they've got. I could eat a heifer."

"Heifers are vegetarians."

"Maybe that's why they're dumb enough to end up as hamburgers."

BONGWATER

by Michael Hornburg:

"There's a sense of dread this time of year, like running out of pot and knowing the only way to get high is to drink the bongwater."

And keeping in mind this was published in 1995...

"'Planes only crash when they take off and land, they don't blow up in midair'

'What about that one in Scotland with all the schoolgirls inside?'

That was terrorism, that's different.There aren't any terrorists in the skies over Pennsylvania'"