FRIDAY FUNNIES

MIKE & TED - KICKING ASS

Mike Pinera from Blues Image/Iron Butterfly/Classic Rock Allstars playing with the Nuge

 before the Nuge went off the deep end.

DAVE BARRY ON BEER

“I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of Communism or the fact that the refrigerator is still working”

BEST MOVIE LINE 2013

From the movie Argo:

“Argo fuck yourself!”

(said by numerous characters)

And while we’re on the subject, a very good movie; drama, suspense, and some humor thrown in. Remembering when the Shah was overthrown adds to the drama - and  a guy I worked with back then was actually in Iran on a service call and left the week before the shit hit the fan!

FRIDAY FUNNIES

RIP: HARRY REEMS

At age 65; He co-starred with Linda Lovelace in the ground breaking X-rated Deep Throat in the early 70s. I remember this playing at the movies in Willimantic CT, when I was at UConn. Crazy stuff for back then. 

And at one time, it was the most profitasble movie filmed in Florida!

(Gotta love the 'stache!)

ODD APOCALYPSE

by Dean Koontz (book 5):

‘Anyway, the dead can be even more frustrating than are many of the living, which is astonishing when you consider that it’s the living who run the Department of Motor Vehicles’

‘But I take comfort from the fact that Justin Bieber wouldn’t know how to escape from a walk-in freezer…He couldn’t sing his way out of a spot like that; inevitably, he would be a Biebersicle.’

BEER CAN: BY JOHN UPDIKE 1964

‘This seems to be an era of gratuitous inventions and negative improvements. Consider the beer can. It was beautiful — as beautiful as the clothespin, as inevitable as the wine bottle, as dignified and reassuring as the fire hydrant. A tranquil cylinder of delightfully resonant metal, it could be opened in an instant, requiring only the application of a handy gadget freely dispensed by every grocer. Who can forget the small, symmetrical thrill of those two triangular punctures, the dainty pfff, the little crest of suds that foamed eagerly in the exultation of release? Now we are given, instead, a top beetling with an ugly, shmoo-shaped tab, which, after fiercely resisting the tugging, bleeding fingers of the thirsty man, threatens his lips with a dangerous and hideous hole. However, we have discovered a way to thwart Progress, usually so unthwartable.Turn the beer can upside down and open the bottom. The bottom is still the way the top used to be. True, this operation gives the beer an unsettling jolt, and the sight of a consistently inverted beer can might make people edgy, not to say queasy. But the latter difficulty could be eliminated if manufacturers would design cans that looked the same whichever end was up, like playing cards. What we need is Progress with an escape hatch.’

FRIDAY FUNNIES - PIRATES!

ART/NOT ART

“Art is the last thing I’m worried about when I write a song. I don’t think it really matters. If you want to call it art, yeah, okay, you can call it art. As far as I’m concerned,art is just short for Arthur.”

Keith Richards

3 PHRASES IN SPANISH

When I first arrived to Costa Rica on vacation, I was told by a local that there were only three phrases I needed to know in order to communicate effectively. They were:

• Pura vida: This can mean anything from "hello" to "goodbye" to "doing fine" to "life is good."
• Una más cerveza por favor: One more beer, please.
• Dónde está el baño?: Where is the bathroom?

Especially the 3^rd phrase if you’ve used the 2^ndphrase extensively!!

PARAPRODOSKIANS

PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

 

 

1. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

 

2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong

 

4. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

 

5. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..

 

6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 

7. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

 

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

 

9. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

 

10. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you

 

11. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

 

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

 

13. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

 

14. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get        away.

 

15. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

 

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

 

17. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

 

18. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

 

19. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

 

20. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

FRIDAY FUNNIES

BILLY CARTER ON BEER

“Yes, sir. I’m a real southern boy. I got a red neck, white socks, and Blue Ribbon beer”

 Well, at least until he had a beer named after him. Which was as crappy as it sounds.

When it came out, I bought a 6 pack to try; 36 years later, still have 5 full cans left!

RIP: ALVIN LEE

1944 - 3/06/13: One of the world's great guitar players, as seen in the Woodstock movie, yeah, I'm Going Home along with a string of albums with Ten Years After and solo work.

 Sorry to see ya go Alvin, rock on...

AS SUNG BY THE MINSTRELS OF MAYHEM (AHEM)

He must have been an admiral a sultan or a king,
and to his praises we shall always sing.
Look what he has done for us he's filled us up with cheer!
Lord bless Charlie Mops, the man who invented beer
beer beer beer beer beer.

A long time ago, way back in history,
when all there was to drink was nothin but cups of tea.
Along came a man by the name of Charlie Mops,
and he invented a wonderful drink and he made it out of hops.

He must have been an admiral a sultan or a king,
and to his praises we shall always sing.
Look what he has done for us he's filled us up with cheer!
Lord bless Charlie Mops, the man who invented beer
beer beer beer beer beer.

The Curtis bar, the James' Pub, the Hole in the Wall as well
one thing you can be sure of, its Charlie's beer they sell
so all ye lads a lasses at eleven O'clock ye stop
for five short seconds, remember Charlie Mops (softly 1 2 3 4 5)

He must have been an admiral a sultan or a king,
and to his praises we shall always sing.
Look what he has done for us he's filled us up with cheer!
Lord bless Charlie Mops, the man who invented beer
beer beer beer beer beer.

A barrel of malt, a bushel of hops, you stir it around with a stick,
the kind of lubrication to make your engine tick.
40 pints of wallop a day will keep away the quacks.
Its only eight pence hapenny and one and six in tax, 1 2 3 4 5

He must have been an admiral a sultan or a king,
and to his praises we shall always sing.
Look what he has done for us he's filled us up with cheer!
Lord bless Charlie Mops, the man who invented beer
beer beer beer beer beer.

SAM IN A CAN?

Rumor has it, this summer will be the summer of 'Sam in a can'...artists rendering as shown...

WORLD WITHOUT END

by Ken Follett:

"The sun shone cheerfully, 

as on a fine day in Hell."

HORSEMEAT? HORSESHIT!

I’m sure you’ve noticed the big foofarah in the United Kingdom about horsemeat found in all sorts of food products. One wonders how this was ever discovered in the first place; since it was apparently mixed in with regular beef, was it actually tasteable? Or was it just discovered originally by accident (hey waiter - I’ve got a horseshoe in my beef patty!).

 But now they’re apparently finding it in everything over there after doing DNAtesting!! Really? It seems to me that if you have to DNA test to find it, you may as well eat it - since there’s probably more (allowable) bug parts in the food than actual horse parts.

Hey, I’m just saying…

FRIDAY FUNNIES